Chapter 11
“That was a very touching speech.” Dr. Marcus Reynier said to me as we shook hands just off the stage of the Downey High auditorium. I’d hoped to get off the stage without having to do the stereotypical pressing of the flesh, but I just wasn’t quick enough. Reynier was a tall man, with broad shoulders and a touch of gray in his dark hair that gave him a very distinguished look. The suit he was wearing didn’t hurt a bit, either.
“Thank you, Pastor.” I said with a ghost of a smile. As a whole, this man wasn’t that different from his predecessor, but in many ways he was a lot easier to deal with.
“He was a fine young man.” Reynier said with a shake of his head. I knew he wasn’t being facetious, but his words still made me uncomfortable. “The presentation the two of you did for our youth group was outstanding. It’s a pity we couldn’t get your family to move you church membership back downtown with us.”
“We’re comfortable where we’re at.” I said with a shrug. “Thank you for the compliment though.”
“Will you be continuing to speak at schools about AIDS?” The Pastor who had replaced the unlamented Dr. Darnell asked.
“I’m hoping to cut back on the number of presentations next year, but my mother is continuing to work with the AIDS Awareness Project organizing a lot of presentations across the country.” I stated. He nodded and clapped my shoulder gently.
“Well, you take care and keep your chin up.” He told me in a friendly tone. “God’s certainly blessed you and your family and it’s good to see a family that deserves it be blessed the way you have.”
“Thank you, sir, and God bless you as well.” I said with a smile on my face. The smile was mostly that he was leaving, and Brian had caught up to me now. He just smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder before steering me further down the hallway. My parents were now blocking the stage exit, having taken up a position where they’d be able to stop any others from getting to where I was. We were all taking the death of Jeremy hard, but both my sister and I had been total wrecks in the week since he’d died. Sure, I’d just given a speech to the several thousand people who had showed up at the high school auditorium for the memorial service, and the four network cameras that recorded the event, but I’d had to look calm and collected there. Now, I just wanted to curl up in a little ball. Brian led me down the hallway, heading for the dressing rooms in the back where I could wait without being bothered by people. Jenny, who hadn’t had to speak had been able to disappear even quicker than I, and was probably in one of the other dressing rooms already. I’d seen Brandon and Sean disappearing after her, and knew that she wasn’t going to be alone. Brandon’s sister Missy, who had become best friends with my sister over the last two years, had been with them as well.
“Davey!” The gruff voice behind me wasn’t one I could escape even if I wanted to, and in all reality, I didn’t. Brian stopped with me and we turned around together to see my grandfather standing a few feet behind us. He was breathing a little heavy as he caught up to us, and he unbuttoned the deep red suit coat he was wearing. It had been his favorite in every time line I could remember, one he only wore on the most special of occasions.
“Papa.” I greeted him softly and he came up to me with a grim look, pulling me into a very brief, but tight, hug. He’d only started hugging like this a year ago, and it was both a little odd and nice. When he broke the hug after a split second he held me at arm’s length and met my eyes with a strong gaze.
“He was a good kid.” Papa said gruffly and there was a hint of wetness in his eyes. “I know I’ve said it before, but thank you for making me see reason about him. I’m glad I got to know him.”
“Thank you, Papa, for listening.” I said with genuine gratitude. Those first months had been rough, but when he’d turned the motor home around upon hearing the news reports from that eventful day in January of 1984, he’d shown me that he really did care about me. It had been touchy those first few weeks, especially the first time Jeremy came over to their house with me. Nanny had been extremely upset that Papa was letting him come, but even she had softened as she’d gotten to know Jeremy better, and after Mom had several very long, and loud, discussions with her.
“I know it’s probably the last thing on your mind, but do you think you’ll be up for fishing this weekend?” He asked me and I smiled softly. It was mid-August, the baseball season had just ended, and while it was hot outside, the mountains were still relatively cool. It’d be a pleasant escape.
“Definitely.” I said with a broad smile. “But I’ll have to be back for school shopping in the afternoon.”
“Good.” Papa said and he looked over at Brian, who nodded at him. “Why don’t you come with us, Brian? I’m sure Davey would like the company instead of being stuck in a boat with just an old man to talk with.”
“Uh, sure, Mr. Barrows.” Brian said with surprise while I did my best to keep my mouth from dropping open in surprise. Papa had met most of my friends over the years, but he’d never once invited anyone, not even my father, on our regular fishing trips.
“You got a fishing license?” Papa asked and Brian shook his head.
“Well, make sure you get one before we go.” Papa stated. “If you can, be over at Davey’s house by four in the morning on Saturday. We like to get an early start.”
“It shouldn’t be a problem, sir.” Brian said with a smile and I felt my face stretching in a smile of my own. Papa was actually asking my boyfriend to go with us on our fishing trip!
“I’ll see you on Saturday, Papa.” I said quietly and the older man nodded before turning to head back the way he’d come. Brian and I turned around and moved quickly to the nearest dressing room, shutting the door behind us.
“You know, your grandpa never ceases to amaze me.” Brian said with a shake of his head. “I thought for sure he was going to come unglued when he figured it out about us, but now he invites me along on your fishing trip?”
“He… he’s surprised me, for sure.” I said with a shake of my head as I sat down in a hard plastic chair. We were both sixteen now, and although we both had cars, the Secret Service had insisted that we not drive today. It had been a year since the last death threat against anyone in our family, but they were still protecting us.
As for Papa, he’d figured out Brian and I on his own after Brian had come over with me four months ago to help Papa remove a tree stump from the back yard. For two weeks he hadn’t called or invited me over, but we had one of our fishing trips planned for th ethrd weekend, and he’d called to make sure I still wanted to go. It had been a silent trip, for the most part, but he’d told me that no matter, I was his grandson and he loved me. It wasn’t quite acceptance, but it was far more than I’d ever expected. In the first timeline, we hadn’t spoken for two years after I came out in the local newspaper, but we’d eventually started speaking again, just never about my sexuality.
Maybe the whole experience with Jeremy had really changed him. It was another thing I had to thank Jeremy for, and wished he’d been here still to share. He’d lasted longer than anyone had expected, but in the end the disease had taken his life just like it had claimed so many others. Tears started falling down my face at last, and Brian moved to stand behind me with his hands rubbing my shoulders gently.
“Let it out, Davey.” Brian said softly into my ear and my shoulders shook with gentle, cleansing sobs. I’d wanted to cry ever since the night Jeremy had died in the hospital, but the tears just hadn’t come. Now, with him buried, and with the memorial service over and done with, they flowed gently out of me.
“It’s not fair.” I said quietly as the sobs slowed and I could speak again. “He was so damn young!”
“He was our age.” Brian pointed out and I shook my head.
“That’s not what I mean.” I said softly. “I can remember so many lifetimes, so many years, so many things that he’ll never get to experience.”
“You managed to help him fit a lot of those things into his life.” Brian pointed out and I wanted to protest, but he was right. “He got to go skydiving, he got to ride in a fighter jet, he got to go to Disneyworld, he went riding on those dirt bikes of yours at least once a month, he got to go deep-sea fishing, just about everything he ever said he wanted, you and your family got for him. Hell, you even convinced April to give him his first kiss. Not many guys get to have their first kiss be the prettiest girl in their year.”
“He got more than a kiss, too.” I said with a slight blush. No, they hadn’t had intercourse, but April had proven herself a very brave young woman. Not many people of any age would do the things she’d done with Jeremy, and had publicly called him her boyfriend for the last six months. Surprisingly, it hadn’t been the end of her popularity. I knew for a fact that two of the guys on the baseball team had plans to ask her out as soon as she looked like she was done ‘grieving’.
“That little devil.” Brian’s voice was filled with humor and I leaned back to rest my head against him. “How far did he get?”
“She let him feel her tits all the time.” I said as a smile filled my face. Jeremy had come into my room, bounded on my bed that night and whispered to me everything they’d done with the biggest smile on his face. He’d been so happy, and that had been just two months before his t-cell count began to fall dramatically. Three months later he was in the hospital, and nine weeks after that he was gone. “He even got to finger her, and she gave him handjobs all the time.”
“Gross.” Brian said dramatically, but his voice was filled with the undertones of suppressed laughter.
“She wanted to go further, but he wouldn’t let her.” I added with a more wistful feeling inside of me. Jeremy had always been cautious, never wanting to really risk spreading AIDS to anyone.
“Typical.” Brian said as he leaned forward to nibble at my neck. He knew how much feeling him do that relaxed me, and I let out a sigh, reaching behind me to rub his hair. He stood up quickly, though, when there was a knock on the door and it opened a moment later as my mother entered, followed by my father and Jenny.
“How you doing, honey?” My mom said as she crossed the small room and put a hand on my shoulder.
“Better now.” I told her and she smiled gently. These last few months had been rough on all of us, but especially her. She’d taken a three-month break shortly before Jeremy had fallen ill in order to have reconstructive surgery on her back. The surgery had reduced the hump on her back by about half, and had increased her lung capacity as well as greatly reduced the amount of pain she felt every minute of every day. She’d even stopped getting refills of her pain pills and muscle relaxers, something she’d never really done before. Hell, I still felt guilty for the day I’d stolen two of them in order to help me fool President Reagan and Dad back in 1981.
“Well, it’s about time you let out some of your grief.” She said as she ran a finger along my cheeks, tracing the tear tracks. She looked over at Brian and nodded at him with another smile. “Brian, you going to stay the night tonight? Brenda said it was fine with them.”
“If you don’t mind.” Brian said with a slight blush. Sure, they’d invite him over, but the bedroom door would be staying open all night. I liked staying over at his parents better, although they were prone to check up on us during the night. It was easier to hear them coming down the hallway before the door opened. My mother was a quiet walker, and our thicker floors didn’t give away too much noise, so we barely dared to kiss with the door open.
“I think Davey would be happy to have you over.” Dad said. “Besides, school is starting in a few weeks and you know what that means.”
“Yep.” We said with grimaces. No friends sleeping over during the week.
“Where’s Sean?” Brian asked and Dad shook his head.
“He’s gone to stay over at the Walker’s tonight.” Dad answered. Sean was now officially my adoptive brother. Dad and Mom had adopted both him and Jeremy six months ago after getting their natural parents to terminate their parental rights. “You are going fishing with Pete this weekend?”
“Yes.” I answered and smiled widely. “He invited Brian to go with me.”
“That’s nice, dear.” Mom said in a sweet tone that made me assume she probably had something to do with it after all. I hadn’t expected that. “I take it you’re going, Brian?”
“I said I would” Brian stated with a wide grin that I saw as I bent my neck back to look at him. He looked so good in the dark blue suit that nearly matched my own, although he wore a skinny tie while I wore a more traditional tie. “He wants to leave early though, and suggested I be over at your place by four.”
“Don’t worry, you can spend the night tomorrow too.” Dad said with a sigh, pretending like it was a big deal.
“Thanks Mr. J.” Brian said with a chuckle.
“So you boys want to go do your own thing or you want to head home with us?” Mom asked as she ran her fingers through my hair. At least she wasn’t ruffling it anymore. Ever since I’d grown it out again, at Brian’s insistence, no one had ruffled it except Brian. He was the only one allowed to do that.
“Brandon and a few others from the school are doing a thing at Ridgeway’s and they invited us.” I answered with a shrug. Ridgeway’s was a restaurant near the house that was a favorite of the family, and while it’s names occasionally reminded me of an awful day in a previous timeline, that happened less and less over the years.
“Well, I think your mother and I wouldn’t mind a little alone time.” Dad said. “We gave Maria and her sister the rest of the week off. You know they were both attached to Jeremy as much as we were.”
“That was nice of you.” I said and he nodded. We paid Maria and her sister more than my parents had made before my father went into politics.
“You mind if I go with you guys?” My sister asked softly from where she’d been standing near the door. She was almost as tall as Dad now, and was turning into quite a beautiful young woman. This would be the year that she’d start at Downey, and she’d been spending most of the summer hanging around my friends and me. Jenny had even started working out with us a bit, and was going to try out for the girl’s volleyball team this year. “Missy left already with Brandon and Sean.”
“Sure.” I said with a shrug and she smiled. Mom had finally let her start wearing make-up, and I was pleased to see she wasn’t using it nearly as heavily as she had during that first timeline. The only thing that worried me about her right now was that she was dating Michael Jessup, the incoming freshman quarterback.
“Just don’t stay out too late.” Dad told us as he took Mom under his arm and left the room. Brian’s hands had never left my shoulders while they were with us, but he gave me a squeeze now and moved to stand beside my chair and held out a hand for me. I took it and stood up, looking him in those shining blue eyes and I smiled at him gently.
“Oh gross, you two aren’t going to start kissing again, are you?” Jenny asked and we turned to face her while holding back our laughter. She smiled to show us she was joking. “You want me to leave you alone for some make-out time?”
“No.” I said quickly and she frowned, confirming my suspicions. “There’s no need for that.”
“You sure?” She asked as Brian gave me a slightly confused look.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I told her firmly. “I’m not giving you something to use when you want some make-out time with Jessup.”
“You’re no fun.” She said with a smirk as she opened the door.
“Sometimes I’m glad I’m an only child.” Brian said with a chuckle as we followed her out. I saw our agents had caught up with us and I nodded at Leon, one of the three new agents on my personal detail. There’d been a rotation at the beginning of the year, and so I was still getting use to the new ones. Brian and I were still being careful around them, although they’d probably been fully briefed on all of us. At least the Secret Service could be depended on to keep such things secret. I was out now to a great deal of my family, but most of my friends and the general public were still clueless and everyone preferred to keep it that way.
All three of us took the same car over to Ridgeway’s, and I relaxed enough to take off my jacket and tie. Brian did the same, and I’m sure my sister would have been more comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans, but she was stuck with the black and gray dress she’d worn for the funeral. Her long blond hair was done very nicely, freshly permed and curly like she preferred. She really was growing into a beautiful woman.
“What?” She asked and I realized I was staring at her.
“I think I’m going to have a little chat with Jessup.” I said with a frown. “You’re getting way to pretty.”
“Thanks, and don’t you dare.” She said with a slight blush and a frown. “He’s being a gentlemen. He better be because I’ll break his balls if he tries anything I don’t want.”
“Your sister.” Brian laughed hard at that, and I joined him while my sister smiled at us. She’d already signed up for the NJROTC and was hoping we’d get to go to the Navy airbase again this year. She’d managed to get her pilot’s license last year, thanks to Dad pulling some strings, and I was becoming more and more convinced she really intended to become a professional pilot. Whether she’d go military or stay civilian I had no idea, but I knew she’d never settle for flying transports once she got into the cockpit of a fighter. She was far too aggressive for boring aircraft like transports.
“Be nice, Bri.” My sister told him as we pulled into the parking lot. “Don’t think my pansy-ass brother can protect your balls if you piss me off.”
“You need to come up with a new threat, sis.” I told her as Brian gulped and protected his balls with his hands. She just smirked and got out of the car as we stopped in front of the restaurant.
“We’ll be outside.” Leon said and I nodded before getting out. Jenny’s current lead agent was Marlene, a woman in her thirties who rarely said anything at all to anyone. She was sitting in the passenger seat up front, but I had a feeling she was seeing everything that went on around us.
We entered the restaurant to a chorus of greetings from the dozens of people filling the place. Almost all of them were people we knew, and friends, from school, and all had been at the memorial service. Brandon and Trevor had managed to reserve the entire restaurant for the day, and the middle of the restaurant had a table with a very big cake on it, and an easel board with a big picture of Jeremy. It had been taken on his sixteenth birthday, and he still looked healthy. Another easel board on the other side showed the family picture we’d taken on the same day, with all four of us kids standing around a seated Mom and Dad. The sight of the pictures brought more tears to my eyes, and I could hear my sister sniffling next to me. Our eyes met, and she smiled softly, letting me know that her tears were like mine, tears of quiet joy at a happy memory. Sean showed up at that moment, with a smile on his face as he hugged both of us.
“You guys made it.” Sean said gently and we nodded as he led us to the largest booth that held Brandon, Trevor, Gloria (Trevor’s current girlfriend), Missy, and Michael Jessup. Jenny sat next to her boyfriend, giving me a little smirk as everyone moved to make room for us. The next three hours were like a quiet celebration of Jeremy’s life as people kept on standing up and sharing with the entire restaurant some of their favorite, or only experiences with Jeremy. It was bittersweet, but by the time I walked out of there with my siblings and friends, I could feel my grief at losing Jeremy being assuaged by happy memories and knowing that while short, his life had been a happy one.
It was weird having Mom and Dad home for the next few days, and even weirder having them join the large group of friends that showed up each day. We were either in the pool, or just laying out on the deck. These were the last days of summer before Brian, Trevor, Brandon, Sean and I started our junior year of high school, and before my sister and her friends joined us as freshmen. At night, after our friends had gone home, my parents insisted we sit down and play board games for most of the night, talking a lot about our plans for the next school year. Sean had fit so well into the family it was like he’d always been there, and my parents seemed really interested in the computer courses he was taking this year.
Saturday was the big shopping day for the new school year. Papa dropped us off from fishing just in time for lunch. Brian headed to his home and Dad stayed home, doing work on his office computer and over the telephone while Mom took us kids shopping. When we got home after six hours of shopping, it took two more hours to actually remove all of the new clothes from our bags, take off the tags, and put them in the laundry bins for Maria. After several years of going through this, she’d gotten smart and shuffled the new school clothes down to the local dry cleaners who would clean and press them instead of trying to do it herself. Then, they’d all appear hung up in our closet in plenty of time for the first week of school.
Sunday after church, Brian met me at the house after we’d gotten back from our near-regular Sunday lunch with Nanny and Papa. Dad and Jenny had stayed to visit with Grandma Jones, Aunt Bev, Michele, and Brian, but I’d come back home with Mom because Brian and I had plans. While I ran upstairs to change, he chatted with my mother until I came back downstairs, wearing a tight pair of gray sweatpants and a green Modesto A’s t-shirt. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants the same color as mine, and were almost as tight, as well as a blue Downey High football mesh shirt.
“You boys make sure you’re back in time for dinner.” Mom said with a smile as Brian said goodbye to her. “Brandon’s coming over for dinner too, and Brian, I spoke with Brenda so she knows you’ll be eating here.”
“No problemo.” Brian said with a smile as I just nodded.
“See ya later, Mom.” I said casually as we headed out the front door.
“You going to drive?” Brian asked and I nodded. Out of the corner of my eye I noted that one of my detail agents was already waiting in his car and he nodded when I pointed at my jeep.
“Yep.” I said with a smile, pulling my keys out of my front pocket and Brian let out a sigh.
“Just promise me we won’t die.” Brian smirked as he got into the passenger side of the Jeep Wrangler. It had been a surprise when my parents had gotten me this for my sixteenth birthday. The Jeep was painted pitch black, and had raised tires that made it sit fairly high off the ground. It also had a roll-bar with a set of lights on top, fog lights on the front, and a great sound system. The cloth top wasn’t on it right now, since it was late summer and there was very little rain. Over all, it was a much different vehicle than I’d ever owned before. Once I’d gotten use to it, I realized it really did fit me a lot better than I’d imagined.
“I’ll be good.” I promised him, and then broke it by peeling out of the driveway and turning right onto Scenic Drive, almost before Brian had buckled his seat belt. He was cursing and laughing at the same time, and I calmed down my driving after he punched me in the arm for scaring the crap out of him.
“How was church?” He asked me as I turned onto Carver and headed North. We were going to practice my pitching today, with Brian acting as catcher for me. For the past year, my parents had hired the pitching coach for our local minor-league team to give me lessons three times a week, year round and I’d been making a lot of improvements towards my goal of being good enough for the big leagues when I got older. Of all the things I might do with my life this time around, playing a game as a career held a strong allure. Because of the events of the last week, I hadn’t practiced at all but I wasn’t about to miss my regular ‘practice’ time with Brian on Sunday afternoons. Normally, we did very little actual practicing on my pitching, but rather spent most of the time in some secluded location kissing.
“Not too bad.” I said with a shrug.
“So we’re actually going to do some practice today?” Brian smirked at my shy nod.
“Yeah, I haven’t thrown a ball all week.” I said. “Just for an hour, if that’s okay.”
“That’s fine.” Brian replied, looking in the back where I had a bucket of baseballs and two gloves. I’d long since learned to make sure it was always in the jeep for these Sunday trips. My parents weren’t fools, but as long as I kept up appearances, they weren’t going to say anything.
“How was your day?” I asked Brian and he shrugged.
“My folks wanted to talk college again.” Brian said with a sigh.
“I think that’s why mine are having you and Brandon over tonight.” I told him and he nodded.
“Yeah, I figured that.” He said. “Mine just wanted to make sure they heard from me what I wanted. You’d think we were seniors instead of juniors with all this talk of college. It’s like two years away. I’m more worried about this year’s football season. You sure you won’t reconsider playing?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to…” I started to explain again but he shook his head.
“I know, you don’t want to risk hurting your arm.” There was more bitterness in his voice when he said that, and I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he launched into a long, detailed spiel about some plays Trevor and Brandon had come up with for this year’s football team, and how they were hoping that they could find a new linebacker to replace Mark Goodson who had graduated last year. I knew that was why he wanted me to play football again, because he and I made a good team, but I’d gotten plenty of warnings from Coach Barrett about how easy it was for a pitcher to ruin his arm in high school.
By the time we reached our destination in the north end of Modesto, Brian had switched from talking about football to telling me about the latest project his Uncle Rich was undertaking. Apparently, Rich had been hired now by Suzuki to help push their line of motorcycles to the gay community. I’d been tempted to convince my parents to let me buy one of the new series GSX-R bikes myself, but I was just as worried about hurting my arm riding a bike as I was about injuring it while playing football.
“This is a cool spot.” Brian said with a smile as I pulled into the empty parking lot of the small, deserted public park I’d vaguely remembered. I just smiled at him as we got out, grabbing the bucket of balls and our gloves, and headed towards the large grassy meadow that was barely visible through some trees. It had a picnic area near one side, and we carefully marked off the distance between a mound and home plate before warming up. Back in the parking lot, the Secret Service’ sedan was barely visible from here.
“You ready?” I asked after we’d both warmed up for a few minutes. Brian nodded and went to assume his catcher’s stance. My first five pitches were a bit wild as I kept on being distracted by the way Brian’s legs could be seen flexing through his sweatpants. Four more pitches and I realized neither one of us was really in the right frame of mind for this. After Brian threw the ball back to me, I put it in my glove, slipped the glove off and walked to where he was standing.
“What’s up?” He asked me with a slight frown.
“There’s something wrong.” I said with a frown of my own. He sighed at that comment and nodded.
“Sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” Brian mumbled, looking down at his feet and scuffing one of them through the grass.
“You wanna talk?” I asked him softly and he nodded before meeting my eyes. I nodded with my head towards the picnic table and he nodded again, dropping his glove in the grass and leading the way over. He climbed up on the seat, turned around and sat down on the table with his feet on the seat bench. I did the same, moving to sit so that my entire right side was against his left, and I took his left hand in mine, twining our fingers together. “What’s wrong, Brian?”
“I don’t know, really.” Brian said with a heavy exhalation. “I’ve just been thinking ever since I talked to my parents… and well, I’ve been wondering it for a while… but I’ve been to scared too ask because I’m scared about what you might say.”
“Scared of what?” I asked with some confusion.
“I want to ask you something, but I don’t know if I want to know the answer.” Brian mumbled, looking away instead of at me. A spike of fear formed in the depths of my gut at his words, but I forced myself to take a deep breath and squeeze his hand gently.
“Just ask me, Brian.” I said far more calmly than I felt and he turned to look at me. His eyes met mine, and I could see the fear in their blue depths, and the moisture forming on the edges of them.
“Do you love me for me, or because of him, or them, or whatever?” Brian’s words stumbled out in a rush at first, but then halted as he tried to figure out what phrasing to use. I was stunned at first, because I thought we’d talked about this before, at least once over the years. We had, soon after we’d started again following that day he’s walked away from me telling him the truth about my time traveling memories. That had been years ago, though, and I knew he’d grown up a lot over the last few years, and I’d changed as well.
“I love you for you, Brian.” I assured him, squeezing his hand and smiling gently at him.
“How do you know that for sure?” He asked in a voice that quavered a little. There was a pleading look in his eyes now, a plea for a real explanation. “I mean, am I just like they were and that’s why you love me, or am I different?”
“You’re different.” I said softly, and this time I broke his gaze first, looking at the two mitts lying in the grass. “Brian, every timeline is different, and every person in that timeline is different from the last, even though there may be some similarities.”
“You’ve said that before.” Brian’s voice was slightly exasperated now. “I want to know how I’m different and why you love me, not them.”
“I love them still, Brian, and I love you as well.” I said and he gave another sigh of exasperation. His grip on my hand was tight, bordering on painful and I looked back to meet his gaze. This time it was I who had moisture in my eyes. “Brian, you know how when someone’s husband or wife dies, sometimes the person left behind can meet someone else and fall in love with them? It doesn’t change the fact that they loved their first husband, or that they might still love him, but they also now love their new spouse as well. It’s like… when a parent has a kid. They love the child with everything they have. Then when they have another child, they love that child too. It doesn’t mean they love the first child any less, or the second child less than the first, just that they’re making room in their hearts for more love.”
“So you still love them?” Brian asked softly and I nodded. “But why do you love me? I’d think it’d hurt more being with someone who reminds you so much of them.”
“Do you love me Brian?” I asked him quietly and he got a hurt look on his face.
“You know I do.” Brian said defensively and I nodded.
“Do you still want to spend the rest of your life with me?” I asked him.
“Yes.” Brian said softly, lowering his gaze slightly. “If you still want me after we’re done talking.”
“What if twenty years from now we have to build another time machine and I have to go back in time again?” I asked him and his head jerked up in alarm. He was silent as he thought about it and then he looked at me with narrowed eyes.
“Could I go with you?” He asked and I shook my head. He was silent for another long moment and then he let out a long breath. His shoulders relaxed as he leaned into me, and drew my hand in between his legs where he clamped his thighs together, surrounding our joined hands with his sweatpants-covered legs. “I’d want you to find the me of that new time and make him as happy as I feel when I’m with you.”
“You know he’s going to be different than you, don’t you?” I asked him and the smile on his face grew slightly wider.
“He’ll still want you.” Brian assured me as a fierce look grew on his face. “I don’t want you to have to do that though. I want us to grow old together.”
“So do I, love.” I said softly, leaning my head in and resting it on his shoulder. He bent his head slightly so our hair formed a cushion between us.
“Can I ask you another question?” Brian asked after we’d sat like that for several minutes. I hadn’t been thinking of anything during that time. It had been enjoyable to just sit there and rest my head on his shoulder and listening to his breathing.
“You can ask me anything, love.” Was my answer.
“You said I’m different… how am I different?” Brian asked and while it was almost exactly the same set of words as earlier, the tone and meaning seemed different.
“First off, you’re more…open with everyone, not just me.” I answered after a minute of thought. “Then, you’re more…driven to make a difference. The first time you and I were together, well you were very supportive of me, and you did things on your own, but they were more to support whatever it was I was doing. Now, I’d say you were more independent, more your own person.”
“Is that a good thing?” Brian asked softly and I lifted my head up so that I could look him in the eyes.
“I love it.” I told him firmly. “That first time, I always worried that you, that he, was making himself second-place to me. I worried that he didn’t pursue things that would make him happy because I was so busy doing things with the government and the Navy. I mean, we’d go weeks, even months without seeing each other when I was at sea or doing training or things like that.”
“Is that why you don’t put yourself forward now?” Brian asked and I was confused for a moment.
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“You’re always hanging back.” Brian said with a frown. “Unless you’re forced to do something, you always let other people handle problems. You almost never move first on something.”
“I… that’s part of it.” I admitted with a frown. “Always before, I was taking the lead and sometimes that meant I couldn’t be with… him. In the last timeline, my doing that almost ruined any chance I had to be with that Brian. It wasn’t until that day, the day he died, that we even kissed. There’s no way I was going to let the time traveling thing keep me away from you again.”
“Is that why you’re so intent on playing baseball for a career instead of doing something real?” Brian asked and his question caused my mouth to drop open in surprise, and my head to spin.
“No!” I denied his words vehemently. “It’s because… after I woke from that coma in 1976, I was without my memories. In many ways it was still me, I was still mature, but I grew into a different person slightly until my memories came back. When that happened, it was like there were two of an older version, a younger version and me. We merged at the end, pretty much becoming one person. He wanted to be a baseball player. When we merged, I still wanted that, just like I still enjoy doing the calligraphy.”
“What did you want to be the first time?” Brian asked after a long silence. “That first time, before you ever went back in time, what did you want to be?”
“I wanted to be a fighter pilot or an astronaut, or both.” I said with a small smile as the memory from that time, many years ago as I counted time, came to the forefront. “It was stupid, really. I’m too tall for a fighter cockpit, and my vision isn’t good enough either, but that didn’t stop me from dreaming about it.”
“That’s funny.” Brian chuckled and I gave him an inquisitive look. “You wanted to be a fighter pilot and now your sister is wanting the same thing.”
“She just might make it, too.” I smirked at the irony he was pointing out. “She’s got excellent vision, she already knows how to fly, and she won’t grow to be too tall.”
“So the only reason you want to be major league pitcher is because that was what the younger you wanted when you… merged?” Brian’s abrupt return to the topic forced me to really think about what he was saying.
“No.” I answered after thinking it through, and he just gave me a look that told me he was waiting for an explanation. “I know I’ll probably spend a few years in the minors, and there’s no telling what team I’ll play for, and I know that being on the road will take me away from you as much as being in the Navy did, but it’s also something that isn’t… it isn’t serious.”
“You mean it’s not something where people will depend on you for more than just winning a game.” Brian said cautiously, and I stared at him in surprise again. He was… so insightful.
“Just when exactly did you get to be a mind reader?” I asked him in a breathless whisper and he grinned at me.
“While we were all… waiting for the end with Jeremy, I had a long talk with your dad.” Brian admitted and I felt my stomach do a queasy roll. “We… he already knew that I knew about you. He guessed you’d already told me and when he brought it up, well I didn’t think it’d hurt to admit I knew.”
“I see.” I said slowly as goose bumps broke out on my arms. He brought up his free hand to rub along my arm, reassuring me slightly.
“Davey, don’t worry.” Brian said. “He was certain you’d tell me, and he said that if you hadn’t, he’d have been really upset. Your father… we get along. I don’t know what it was like with him before, really. You only said a few times that he wasn’t nearly this good. I really respect him, and so do Uncle Rich and my parents. I mean, when we first met him, they didn’t like him, but they do now. You know my mother loves working with your mom now.”
“Yeah, and we both should be scared shitless by that.” I said gruffly and we both shared a chuckle. When Mom B had gone to work for my mom’s charity group, we’d both been shaking with worry over what stories they might tell each other. It sure made sneaking off a lot more difficult.
“So you talked to my Dad.” I said to bring us back to his guilty admission.
“Yeah, we talked about you.” Brian continued. “He was worried about how you almost never take the leadership on anything. You know he had a long talk last month with your practice coach.”
“I know.” I said miserably, remembering my own conversation with the coach. It had been a bitter pill, what he’d told me, but there was still hope. I was still good enough to make the minor leagues if I worked hard during college. Certainly I was good enough to get a college scholarship for baseball.
“Yeah, well, he’s worried about you and so am I.” Brian’s voice was soft, and he squeezed my hand gently. “Davey, there’s so much you could do, even if you didn’t go to work for the CIA like your dad wants.”
“He told you about that too?” I asked and Brian nodded. Dad had gone so far as to get me an offer for a full-ride scholarship to a college the CIA used to train analysts. He thought I could use that type of job as a cover to feed the government real information on future events without making them suspicious that I still retained my memories of the possible futures ahead of us.
“Uh huh.” Brian said with a small nod. “He’s fine with you not wanting to do that, you know.”
“I know.” I said quietly, looking back to the grass and the two mitts we’d abandoned. For a second, they seemed like a symbol of abandoning my dream to play ball, and like Brian was asking me to do that.
“Davey, if you want to play baseball for a career, I’m fine with that.” Brian said and he drew my attention back to his face. “Even if you never make the majors, if all you do is play in the minors, that’s fine with me and I’ll stay with you. But I want to do more with my life, and I’d like to do it with you. Some of the things I want to do, you know I won’t be able to do them if we’re still together and you’re trying to play ball.”
“Why not?” I asked, but I already knew the answer before he even said a thing.
“You know why.” Brian muttered. “If I do some of the things I want, then you’ll end up risking being outed and we both know Major League Baseball isn’t going to tolerate even a minor-leaguer who is out of the closet.”
“Then we’ll just have to deal with that when we get there.” I said firmly, knowing he was right, but then again I knew that if I was good enough… they’d just have to learn to deal with it.
“Who are you taking to the prom this year?” Brian asked and my heart plummeted to the depths of my gut.
“Um, we could go stag again.” I said softly and he shook his head.
“We’re juniors.” Brian said. “Do you really want us to double date with some girls, go to the parties after, and you know they’re going to expect at least some making out…”
“We could just not go at all.” I said. “We could pretend to be sick.”
“Do you really want that to be our memories?” Brian asked. “What about kids? You know I want kids.”
“Yeah.” I said glumly. “That’s another difference… in the other times… we always kept putting it off. You’ve set a deadline.”
“When we’re thirty.” Brian said with a nod of his head. “That gives us all of college, and nearly eight years to get ourselves established, to go see the world and all that, and then we’ll still be in our fifties, ready to go around the world again by the time they’re off to college. Are you still okay with that?”
“I love it.” I said with a real smile on my face. Having a real family, with children had been an old dream I gave up a long time ago.
“Then what are we going to tell them we did for our prom?” Brian asked. “Are we going to tell them that we had to be in the closet so you could pursue a career in baseball?”
“I think my father would have a fit if we were out at school.” I said with a chortle.
“He might be more supportive than you think.” Brian said cryptically. He just smiled at me as I begged him to continue with my eyes. “He… he told me that if I could convince you to do it, he would deal with any political repercussions of us going to the prom together. C’mon, you know our school. Brandon and Trevor are going to back us all the way, and with them will be most of the football team. Nobody on the baseball team is going to dare throw a fit either. Besides, according to Ronna, well over half the school is already guessing about us.”
“We don’t have to confirm it for them.” I spat out before thinking and he frowned at me.
“Brian, I remember what happened before when we came out.” I said miserably, remembering those awful days. “It was worse than anything we went through with Jeremy. We ended up moving to another school in Washington.”
“I remember that.” Brian said sadly and for a moment my head swam before he shook his head. “You told me last year when I brought up the subject of going to that dance together.”
“Oh, yeah.” I mumbled.
“Davey, I don’t like lying and we’re lying to people.” Brian said. “I’m not talking about going to the papers or anything, or screaming it from the mountaintop, although if you wanted me to do that, I’d be happy to, but you know, if we do it right, I don’t think there will be a lot of problems. This is Modesto, after all.”
“What do you mean?” I asked and he snorted.
“Everyone in this damn town, according to my parents, has some damn sexual secret.” Brian said with a strong hint of derision. Considering how many Modesto politicians, and even citizens had made the news for events surrounding sexual indiscretion, I knew he was right. “If we… if we just go together, dance together just once, a slow dance, maybe hold hands, people are gonna notice, they’re going to talk, but it won’t be a big deal. I bet you even the Bee won’t pick it up as a story.”
“Until my father runs for office again.” I said glumly and Brian shook his head.
“We’ll be in college by then.” Brian countered. “He’s running in ’88, right?”
“Yeah, he’ll take on Coehlo.” I confirmed. That was the democrat who was currently representing our district in Congress. He’d originally been replaced in ’91, after a big scandal, by Gary Condit. I’d already warned my father about the cursed history of that seat, and how he’d better be squeaky clean if he was going to go for it. Part of me wondered if he was setting things up so I’d be the ‘scandal’ that hit him. It would certainly be an easier one to deal with, even if he was a Republican.
“So, see, you’ll be in college by then.”
“We’ll be in college.” I said firmly, bringing his arm over so that his hand now rested in my lap. He used the proximity to rub my cock with his hand, and I realized I might want to buy a bigger jock. This one was way too tight all of a sudden.
“So what’s the bottom line, here?” I asked him after another silence and several minutes of just enjoying his hand rubbing against my now-hard cock. “You don’t want me to pursue baseball as a career?”
“Do it if you want.” Brian said with a shrug. “Just know that if you want to do more with your life, if you still want to make a difference, I’d be happier. Either way, you’re stuck with me, and I’ll love you just the same. It’s just… I’d be happier if we were doing things to make a difference together.”
“I love you, Brian.” I said softly; my voice full of emotion as I leaned in for a kiss. His lips were sweet, his tongue demanding as it entered my mouth, and I knew then that this Brian was something more than I’d ever expected.
He was my partner.
As with all my stories, E provides immeasurable input, grammar checking, and all those other lovely editing thingies that make the story so much better!
Feedback,
an Author's Lifeblood
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |
| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 |
| Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 |
