Do Over Redux by Dan Kirk

Chapter 27

by Dan Kirk

"What the fuck is that fag doing here?" Brian's voice hit me like a ton of bricks as I walked into homeroom with Sean at my side.  Last night had been a long night, and this morning had begun even earlier, leaving me with only a few hours of sleep.  I hadn't even wanted to go to school today, but it was Sean's first day back, and he'd expected me to go with him.

Besides, once things ramped up into high gear with the new program to roll back communist gains in Central and South America, I wouldn't be spending much time at school. 

Early this morning the President had broached the idea of me commanding the joint military/intelligence/diplomatic program, but he'd been talked out of that by his other advisors on the phone call with some help from me.  There was no way I wanted to spearhead that operation.  As good as I was in certain areas, I didn't have the patience to deal with all the different agency squabbles that would be taking place.  Instead, someone I'd known through television in my first life, and had worked with in the second a few times would head the operation. 

That didn't leave me totally off the hook, though.

By the end of the week, I had to have a budget projection for the first phase of the program.  That dealt mostly with establishing a central office, a basic budget, hiring administrative staff (both from the local labor pool and from military sources), and setting up a briefing package for the new commander.  The choice of commander was going to be a little problematic as well.  He'd recently taken command of an Army division in Germany and a replacement would have to be found before he shipped back stateside.

Last night I'd gotten home just after two in the morning, and had immediately fallen into bed.  Kevin had woken me up two hours later to inform me that Communications was holding a call from the White House.  Sean had shown up shortly before seven with some Pop Tarts for my breakfast and I'd been able to have a short discussion with him about starting a new Do Over project.

His freckled face had screwed up in a grimace at the mere mention of the idea, but after a few minutes of thought he'd agreed.  Things in this time line were so much worse already that he agreed it would be a good idea to have a machine ready just in case.  His reaction was not quite what I expected.  I had been confident I'd have to talk him into helping out but by the time we left for school he was actually sounding fairly eager.  An even bigger surprise was his worrying about how to fit going to school while still working on developing another version of a time machine. 

"I told you so." Sean's stage whisper resounded in the quiet that followed Brian's outburst in homeroom.  Unlike two years ago, the room was nearly full, although still separated into several distinct groups.  The reactions ranged from shock to surprise, to a few giggles from the East Valley students.  Derek, David, and Sam all flashed me worried expressions while I stared at the teenager who'd been my lover in the last timeline.

"What did you say?" I managed to get out in a hoarse voice that was still loud enough to fill the entire room.  My face was a mask as I stared at him and I knew my emotions were flickering through my eyes for any who watched closely enough.  They were a mixture of rage, pain, loss, and of course, total surprise.  Brandon and Trevor were sitting on either side of Brian and I could see them flash me sympathetic looks.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sean catch their glances and his entire body relaxed slightly from the tenseness it had assumed as soon as Brian had spoken.

"I asked what that fag is doing here." Brian said through clenched teeth.  His face was full of anger as he stood up and I took a long look at him.  He was wearing a tight green t-shirt and 501 jeans that showed off his legs very well.  It didn't make dealing with this any easier. 

"Who said I was gay?" Sean spat back before any words could come to my mind.  My mind was spinning at this confirmation of what Sean had told me before, and the hints from Trevor and Brandon.  So many things went through my mind about what could possibly have made Brian this way, what with Uncle Rich and all, and the anathema that was so much stronger towards gays because of the Quarantines, but it was hard to digest it all at once.  Brian was as gay as any of us, and yet here he was 'outing' Sean in front of our entire class.

"Shut up, faggot." Brian sneered with an expression I'd never seen on his face before.  The disgust, hatred, and contempt there caused something to snap inside of me.  At that moment, for the first time since the latest trip back in time had begun, I realized the 'Brian' I had loved for two decades, had been married to, was dead. 

In the long moments that stretched out following Brian's last comments, images flashed across my mind's eye.  Brian's handsome face that day we first met was the first image, followed closely by that first time wrestling in his back yard when it was filled with desire and longing.  The images flashed forward to that wonderful day in Diego Garcia when my ship pulled in for refitting and he came across the quarterdeck for a wartime reunion. 

That had been one of the most stressful times in our life together, the long separation, the constant fear of a very real death that had actually happened in a time-line aborted by Sean's first desperate Do Over, and yet we'd come through it all better, closer than ever.  The next flash was when we were starting our business together and excitement filled his face along with a passion that I'd only ever witnessed in bed with him.  That excitement had been brightest the night of the Berlin grand-opening, but had also been there at the opening of every single theater we'd opened, all forty-six of them.

None of those compared to the look of unsuppressed joy, and nervousness, on the day we'd gotten married.  Somehow we'd been coerced into a big church wedding in our adult hometown of San Francisco.  The California Legislature had just finished passing a law allowing gay couples full marriage rights, and since we'd both been part of the drive to get it passed we weren't able to have the small service we really wanted.  The guest list had included the Reagans, even though Ron himself was starting to drift into the haze of Alzheimer's.  For the sake of good politics, the Clintons had sat on Brian's side of the aisle although both the former and current President had been in the front row with the family.  Neither Ford nor Bush had showed up, but Jimmy Carter had joined the Clintons in sitting with Brian's parents and extended family.  Our best efforts hadn't managed to keep the cameras out, nor to keep them from doing close-ups of the nervous looks on both our faces as we exchanged vows. 

Then there was the look of muted joy and soft, quiet support as the U.S.S. Diego Garcia had pulled into Taiwan following the war with China.  There had been tears on both our faces as we went into our hotel room there.  Thanks to the presence of a news crew on the ship, the world had known about the several close calls that ship had experienced so there was no hiding the fact that we'd almost been sunk several times during the short war.  Chinese submarines had proven far deadlier than expected, mostly because we'd underestimated their crews more than their Russian-built submarines.  That had been a tearful reunion, full of gentle caresses and long, loving kisses. 

The next morning I was on a plane for a hastily-assembled High-Altitude/Low Observation jump into China in the effort to stop their Do Over project.  Because of that, I hadn't seen the final looks on Brian's face, nor even known he'd been kidnapped and died there after I'd already gone back in time.  It had been Sean coming back once again to save, or at least warn, me for me to find out my lover had really died. 

All those flashes told me one thing:  This Brian with his look of anger, disgust, and contempt was not my Brian. 

"You shut up!" There was no more hoarseness in my voice as I spoke moments after Brian's telling Sean to shut up.  Anger filled my voice more than anything.  It was an anger focused on this person who wore my love's face but was not him in any way, shape, or form.  My words caught his attention and now I was the sole focus of his sneer.

"What, are you a faggot too?" Brian sneered at me and it was only Sean's hand on my arm that kept me from stepping forward and swinging.  Brian noticed my fists clenched though and sneered again.  "Maybe you're just protecting your little bitch, is that it?  Was he your little bitch before?"

"Brian!" Trevor broke in sharply.  "You're not supposed to."

"Shut up." Brian told Trevor with a shake of his head as he moved to stand within inches of me.  His breath was hot on my face as he exhaled and I took a deep breath to try to calm down.

"You jealous?" I asked contemptuously.   "You're jealous because Sean's my friend and you're worried you'll never get a chance to touch my ass?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Brian roared as his arms came up, palms outward, and he pushed me hard.  I was ready for that though, and didn't move backwards.  My lips edged upwards in a half-smile, half-sneer.

"My, my, I think I touched a button there." I snapped at him as my mouth widened into an evil smile.  Brian's face contorted in rage as it turned almost purple with every word I spoke, but I wasn't dead yet.  As much as I didn't know him the way I had known the real Brian, I knew enough about him to take the knife I'd just buried in his gut and twist a little.  "Imagine how proud Uncle Rich would be of his little Bri-Bri now."

"You son of a bitch!" Brian roared as his face turned dark purple and his arm cocked back in preparation to strike out at me.

"What's going on in here?" Mr. Luce's sharp question cut through the air and Brian froze before he could try to deliver the blow.  The homeroom and math teacher strode quickly into the room.  He was shorter than both Brian and I, had a decent-sized paunch in front as well as a bushy black mustache that matched his bush-black hair, but he still managed to carry an air of authority that kept Brian from taking the swing.  The teacher put himself between us and gave us both a stern glare that caused Brian to back down and slump a bit.  I changed my posture to, making it closer to a military 'at-ease' than anything else. 

"Breckenridge here decided to throw some insults at Sean." I said slowly and carefully, doing my best to keep my voice neutral.  Brian glared daggers at me after I spoke, but didn't bother to protest.

"So you thought you'd come in like a knight in shining armor?" Mr. Luce demanded of me and I was taken back for a moment.  "Jones, you're supposed to be a smart kid and yet you don't do the right thing.  Instead of getting me you try to step in and we end up with an almost-fight.  Now, what exactly were you doing, Breckenridge?"

"I.I was wanting to know why Jones was bringing that faggot in here." Brian stuttered after a moment.  "I know him from my old school in Modesto.  I heard his parents caught him jacking off to fag porn and they sent him off to be cured at some hospital for crazy people."

"What business is any of this to you?" Mr. Luce demanded, a tinge of anger in his voice and his face going slightly red.  "Who are you to go putting your nose into other people's business?"

"I.I.people like that aren't safe." Brian said in a much weaker voice.  "I.they die horribly and no one wants to be around them and they all deserve to be locked up."

"I see we'll be having some interesting discussions in the near future for homeroom." Mr. Luce said with a stern look.  "Breckinridge, go to the office and wait there.  Jones, come with me, you'll be first for the Principal to have a chat with."

"Yes, sir." I said quickly while Brian mumbled something and gave me a very dirty look.  He followed behind us while Sean moved to sit down next to Derek and Sam.  Before leaving the room I could see both of them talking to him softly while the room quickly filled with the buzz of students talking quickly about everything that had happened.  Mom was back on duty in the office and just nodded as Mr. Luce talked softly to her before leading me into the Principal's office.  She spared me a superior look before motioning Brian into a chair.  The office area was a small room at the end of the hallway that headed towards the back entrance.  It had two large windows, one looking towards the hallway and other on the cafeteria seating area.  A door towards the back led to the Principal's office where I was ushered into a seat in front of the large oak desk that all but filled the room.

Mr. Snow couldn't have been more different than the principal who'd sat behind that desk when I'd first arrived in town.  The old principal had been dismissed over the summer because of a series of indiscretions.  In a state where prostitution was legal, his visiting a brothel may have been unwise, but it was by no means something he'd be fired over, especially since the brothel hadn't even been in the same county.

Doing a few lines of coke, going crazy and beating the prostitute were, however, cause for his dismissal after his arrest.

The new principal, Mr. Snow, had hair that matched his name.  He was in his late-fifties, a former Air Force officer who had become a school administrator after his military retirement, and he had short, snow-white hair.  A pair of large glasses were on his face and when he stood, he revealed a tall and lanky frame.  Another habit of his, most likely borne from a long military career, was that he always wore a full three-piece suit.  Today it was a dark blue suit with a bright blue tie. 

Mr. Snow listened to Mr. Luce's explanation of what he'd seen when he'd walked into the classroom, and his conversation with me.  As Mr. Luce finished, the principal took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose before looking at me with a pained expression.  Without even looking at Mr. Luce, he dismissed the teacher and let out a long sigh when it was just the two of us in the room. 

"In every school I've ever been in, there's always been a student who is constantly in the middle of whatever trouble is happening." Mr. Snow said slowly and with great care.  I noticed for the first time that he even had gray eyes.  "That doesn't mean he's necessarily a bad person, just that he's constantly finding himself in the middle of conflict, and sometimes he doesn't always react the way he should."

As the Principal began to drone on and on about a smart kid who despite his intelligence always did the wrong thing, who thought he was too good for the rules, or maybe just didn't realize the rules applied to him as well, my mind drifted back to my last life and a conversation with the real Brian.  It had taken place in the mid-1990's, after I'd returned to our San Francisco home from an emergency trip to Washington.  Despite the changes in the time-line with the Third World War, some things in that time hadn't changed from the first time-line and I'd been called in to give advice about the reports of genocide in fractured Yugoslavia.

"Why does it always have to be you?" Brian had asked me with a heavy sigh. We were lying in bed, curled up next to each other, with my back to him and his arms wrapped around me.  His mouth was next to my ear and he whispered softly, his voice filled with pain.  "It's not like everything's happening the way you remember anymore.  The government has dozens of analysts that could give them the same advice you do, so why do they always have to call you up?"

"You don't want me to do this anymore?" I'd asked with real fear in my voice.  I loved what I did, just as much as he loved our business, but I would give it up in a heartbeat if he asked me to do that. 

"I just wish you didn't spend so much time away from me." Brian had replied with a heavy sigh. 

"It's only twelve weeks." My answer didn't do much for him, as his next sigh told me. I had returned, but only for a few days until the next training cycle began for Navy SEALS.  Part of the recent events had highlighted my inexperience in Special Operations, and I was being sent for some training in that field.  It also provided a neat answer for some problems that had been cropping up about my 'career' as a Naval Reserve Officer with too many medals and too much rank at a relatively young age. 

"I know." Brian's reply was almost inaudible despite our closeness.  "I'm sorry, it's just that I see little enough of you as it is and we have that opening in Phoenix.  They just aren't the same without you there.  I've known you for a long time, love, and it just seems that if there's anything going on you have to be in the middle of it and I always worry that some day whatever it is going on will take you away from me."

Brian's words rang through the vaults of my mind and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.  In the end, he had been right, my being in the middle of everything had taken me away from him, or him away from me.  None of my life-times had ever been boring, but the last two had grown progressively worse, with this last one taking away the single bit of real happiness that I'd ever managed to achieve in any of the three time-lines.  I could feel a single, solitary dribble down my right cheek and that brought my attention back to the present where a confused Principal was giving me a very odd look.

"I don't think my lecture was quite that terrifying, and I was under the distinct impression you weren't even listening to me." Principal Snow said quietly and his expression turned from confusion to sympathy very quickly.  "It's no secret that you've been having.problems with your parents.  Your mother's refusal to talk about you at all over the last week, and your new.living arrangements tell me something major is up with your family.  Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Thank you, but no." I said simply, refusing to wipe the tear from my face, but meeting his gaze firmly, even proudly.  "I was just.remembering something."

"I know I haven't been cleared for the full story about you, Mr. Jones, but I know there's a lot more than what's been told already." Snow said delicately.  "If one of my students is going through some tough times, and I can do anything to help, I will.  With what I know now, though, there's little I can do to help."

"Thank you, sir." I started to say but was interrupted by the ringing of the telephone.  The principal stared at it for a second with a look of anger before picking it up.

"Yes?" He demanded through gritted teeth, and I could faintly hear my mother's voice through the receiver although I couldn't make out what she was saying.  The principal frowned again, but this time with something more like consternation than anger.  "Very well, put him through."

"Good morning, General." Principal Snow said cautiously a moment later and it was my turn to frown slightly.  I had an idea why the General might be calling now and considering every thing that could possibly go wrong, I was quite certain a car would be here momentarily to pick me up and take me back to the base.  "Yes, well Mr. Jones is here in my office right now so it won't be a problem.  I was most likely going to suspend him for today anyway.  What?  Oh, for fighting with another student.  Yes, I'm sure you will hear about it from him.  Thank you, General."

The idea of missing school for a while was an immediately appealing one. Unlike the last time-line where school was something positive over-all, despite the anti-gay stuff that had happened, this time around things weren't as comforting at school, nor was I forming the types of bonds I'd had before.  Sure I had some good friends, but there was a barrier between us that hadn't quite existed the last time.

"As I'm sure you guessed, that was General Barstow informing me they were sending a car to pick you up." The Principal said while I mulled over my feelings on the concept of missing school.  "Apparently, you will be missing school for some reason over the next two weeks.  Consider yourself suspended for the day, and that will be put in your permanent file.  You can have Mr.Rule bring you your homework you will be missing. I will expect you to turn it back in at the end of the week."

"Thanks." I said quietly and stood up to leave as he waved me out of his office.  When I entered the outer office area, my mother stopped whispering something to Brian, who was leaning over her desk.  Her guilty look only lasted a second before a smooth mask of disdain replaced it, but Brian gave me a glance that could only be described as full of anger.

Ignoring them both I left the office and headed towards my locker to grab the rest of my books.  Then it was back down the hallway, past the office and out the back door to wait for the Air Force car.  For some reason it wasn't here yet, which meant it was coming from the base itself instead of the local trailer used as a forward command post. Most likely that was because Sean would still be here in the school.

 I just hoped that our other friends would look out for him.

The gravel of the back driveway crunched under my feet as I turned in a small circle before staring over at the FFA area.  I could see a couple of sophomores doing the everyday work of tending the small garden and livestock area.  The sounds of footsteps crunching in the gravel behind me caused me to turn around before I could start reminiscing about anything.  I was surprised to see Brian coming out of the back door, a backpack across his right shoulder and a grim expression on his face.  He stopped when he saw me, and anger flashed in his eyes. 

I should have known what was going to happen from the expression on Brian's face, but I didn't.  As the words 'fucking faggot' left Brian's mouth, his fist shot out and connected with my jaw.  I never felt my feet leave the ground as the force of the blow lifted me up and I flew about a foot to land on my ass.  The gravel bit into my rear and my hands as they braced me from falling all the way back.  My jaw throbbed with what I knew was going to be intense pain later in the evening and my vision swam a bit as I looked up at Brian who had moved until he loomed over me, his arms rigidly angled towards the ground, away from his side, and his fists were clenched tightly.

"You thought you could keep me close to you so you could seduce me, didn't you, faggot?" Brian said in a voice tight with anger, but so low no one else could have heard what he said unless they were right next to us.  "You thought you could make me a faggot just like you did in that other time, didn't you?  You're nothing but a fucking pervert!"

"What?" I managed to mumble out in confusion with my head still swimming.

His words were clear, but they weren't making much sense to my befuddled brain.

"Your mother told me all about you and your little plan for me." Brian's voice edged upwards slightly, and he clenched his fists even tighter.  "She told how you wanted me, how you made me your plaything in that other world and that you were trying to do the same thing again."

"How?" I asked, dazed and confused by what he was saying.  There was no way I'd ever told my mom anything about Brian.  "She couldn't know."

"So you were trying to fucking get into my pants?" Brian's voice was louder now, and he aimed a kick at me.  This time I was a little more ready, and grabbed his foot before it could strike me.  All it took was a twist; Brian flipped over and fell so that he hit the gravel face-first.  I didn't give him a chance to react though and surged forward so my right knee was digging into the small of his back and my left was pinning down his left arm.

"If I was trying to get into you fucking pants I would have already been there, you stupid piece of shit." I snarled, leaning down so my mouth was close enough to his ear that he could probably feel the air coming out of my mouth as I spoke.  He tried to shift slightly but I held him fast, knowing the least bit of weakness would allow him to break free.  "I don't know exactly what my mother told you, but I guarantee you it was only part of the truth.  Do you want to hear the whole thing, the real truth?"

"Yes." Brian mumbled with a defeated tone after he tried to break free again but failed.

"Fine, then, here's the real story." I said angrily just as two cars began climbing the hill to the school.  The probably couldn't see us up here, or they'd have sped up, but I recognized the Air Force sedan being followed by the Breckenridge family car.  I had to make this as short and succinct as possible.  "You and I met in the seventh grade and became friends, best friends.  A few months later we were wrestling and you wanted to start fooling around.  I stopped you, and we talked about it and then began dating secretly."

"I'd never start something." Brian started to say but I made him gasp in pain instead by putting pressure on his back with my knee.

"Brian, tell it to someone who hasn't seen the same look flare up in your eyes every time we fucking wrestle." I snorted derisively.

"I ain't no fucking fag!" Brian retorted, but his voice had a different quality, a quality I knew meant he was hurting emotionally.  There was even a hitch in his voice as he paused, and I knew if I could see his eyes there would be tears in them.  I almost let up on the pressure against his back, but something kept me from doing that just yet. When Brian spoke next, it told me all I needed to know about what had made him into the person I knew now instead of the person I'd known before. "I'm not going to be a fag and die the way Uncle Rich did."

"You never did get sick like him, Brian." I said softly, and I couldn't help the little catch in my throat.  "We loved each other, there in that time. From the time we first met until the time I was sent back again, we were in love.  The two of us were faithful to each other.  When California made it legal, we got married with a sitting President and two former Presidents, as well as both of our families watching.  We did more together, as a couple than you could imagine right now.  You know what though?  I know you're not that same Brian.  The Brian who was my best friend, my love for over twenty years is gone and dead, killed by some Chinese soldiers when they found out he could no longer be used as a hostage against me.  You are not him."

"You.you let me get killed?" Brian asked and I shook my head even though he couldn't see the gesture.  "Brian, you're not him and no I didn't 'let' him get killed.  I didn't even know he was a hostage before I came back in time."

"Then how could you know he was killed?" This Brian's voice was almost a whine, and I hesitated before deciding to go ahead and answer.

"I'm not the only time traveler you know, anymore." I whispered just as the cars pulled to a stop in front of us.  "Sean came back in time, too.  My Brian, the one I loved, helped make sure he was able to come back and warn me that a Chinese agent had come back in time.  He gave his life to make sure I was warned, to make sure our country was warned that another enemy had come back in time.  That was the type of man he was, the man I loved. Would you be able to do that, Brian?  Could you give you life for a friend, for a lover, for your country?"

"What's going on here?" Mr. Breckenridge said as he got out of his car at the same time as the two Marines driving the Air Force Sedan.  Wisely, they stayed back as Brian's father stomped towards us, his expression both worried and slightly angry.  With a grunt, I got up off of Brian and turned to face him.

"Brian and I were finishing our discussion, Mr. Breckenridge." I said calmly, much more calmly than I felt inside.  I could feel tears in my eyes as I faced the older man and he noticed them as well.  His anger faded as he looked at Brian.

"Who started this?" He asked me, but it was Brian who answered.

"I did, and I'm sorry." Brian said in answer to his father, and from the way he looked at me as he said the last part, I figured that was for me.  His next words confirmed that as he spoke softly.  "I'm not him, you know."

"I know you're not, Brian." I said just as softly as a confused Mr. Breckenridge looked on.  "The best part about the last timeline was that I had a best friend, not the other stuff.  First and foremost, always before anything else we were friends."

"That's what you say now." Brian said softly, but with a hint of steel in his tone.  He didn't quite believe what I'd said, but his tone told me that he hoped it was true.  Mr. Breckenridge was still the only one close enough to hear what we were saying, and I could see the look of concern as he looked at Brian's face.  The reason for that was clear.

The gravel had bitten into Brian's right cheeks and left marks that would, hopefully, fade in a few minutes or hours. 

"Brian, every timeline is different." I started explaining carefully, seeing the added interest in Mr. Breckinridge's face as he listened to our conversation.  "By the time my first life ended, back in the original timeline, I wasn't a happy man.  I'd lost my mother in 1999, my father in 2000, my sister soon after that.  I'd failed to hold a stable job for years.  I was at the end of my ropes when the opportunity came to participate in something I knew was an illegal experiment, but it at least offered a chance for some good money.  When they strapped me to that table, I was so out of it I didn't even recognize Sean, who I'd been friends with in school.  I was worse than just an average guy, I was a nobody.

"That all changed in the second timeline." I continued in an even softer voice.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mother coming out of the school's back door and I saw the frown on her face when she saw me talking calmly to Brian and Mr. Breckenridge.  "By the time the government found out about me, I was already friends with you and Trevor, and Brandon, and even Sean.  I was living at the farm with Trevor and Dyadya and Tyatya.  By the time I'd lain back in a time machine again, I had fought in a World War that had never happened the first time around, I'd lived with someone I loved for over twenty years, I had good friends, we were rich, well-known, even well-liked.  If that timeline had continued, my name would have been mentioned in every history book, not just for the Third World War, but for my command of the war against China

"That all ended, though, Brian, when I came back into this timeline." I stated in a voice that dropped slightly.  I knew they could feel the hurt, the pain as I spoke, and in his eyes, and in the eyes of his father, I could see that they understood something of what I was feeling. "I gave up everything I'd achieved, every good thing I did that made my second life a victory instead of the defeat of that first life. 

"I know that to you, it caused your life to be uprooted and you had to start a new life here in this little po-dunk town, but for me it was so much more.  I had to give up the love of my life, my friends, everything, only to start all over again and when I started over, because I went to the government from the beginning, from the very first day, I had to give up all the things that had made all the government work, the war, worth doing. 

"When you and the others showed up, I thought I'd have a chance to reclaim those things.  Not necessarily what I had before, but at least to regain friends that had meant the world to me.  Yeah, there was the possibility of more, but to tell you the truth, I was happy just with the friendship.  That had always been the center of everything, being friends."

"I'm sorry." Brian said softly as my words came to a clumsy ending.  His eyes showed that he at least understood what I was saying.  "I.you.do you know what it was like watching Uncle Rich die?  What it meant."

"Yes." I said softly, my chest heaving with the remembered pain from the last lifetime, and from the brief glimpses I'd gotten of his visit to his uncle in this timeline.  "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you this time."

"I don't want to end up like him." Brian said and a quick glance at his father showed that he was beginning to understand some of what we were talking about. "I won't end up like him, no matter what.  I'm sorry if that means you can't be happy, but I'm not going to take the risk."

"I understand." I said softly and he nodded, meeting my eyes firmly before turning to head towards his father's car.  Mr. Breckinridge looked like he wanted to say something and wasn't sure what, or if he should.  Wordlessly I nodded to him, motioning listlessly with one hand that he should follow his son and leave me to my own devices.  After a moment's pause, he too nodded and walked back to his car, getting in slowly before talking to his son briefly. 

The sense of loss, the swelling emotions of anger, of hurt, of love twisted inside of me as I looked over at my mother, who had watched, although not heard, the last part of the conversation.  The two Marines who had been waiting for me started forward, but stopped when I raised my hand to them.  For a moment, I saw a softer look of concern in my mother's face before it was replaced with the cold rage I'd come to expect as of late.  That change in expression killed something inside of me and I was struck with memories of the women she'd been at times during my first lifetime, and I wondered how I'd forgotten them.  With a determination that surprised even myself, I strode over to her, ignoring the aches and pains from my scuffle with Brian.  When I reached her, I was surprised once again how short she was, but the steely determination in her eyes reminded me she had a stature far above her diminutive body.

"Don't think you're going to get off." She started to spit out at me, but stopped when I placed my hands on my hips and glared at her.

"That's enough, mother." I said softly, but so firmly there would be no chance that she'd mistake my determination.  "That's enough out of your fucking mouth now and forever."

"Watch your language!" She spat out angrily, interrupting me, but I continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"I've had enough of your hatefulness, your spitefulness." I continued in a low, firm, and most of all, determined, voice.  "You may blame me for Nanny and Papa's death, but we both know I wasn't to blame.  There's nothing you or I could have done to save them.  I was willing to wait until you saw that and we could talk to each other again, but I forgot your tendency to be hateful and to carry a grudge for years. 

"I forgot how during my first life, you hated Dad for what he did to Jenny, for the fact that our lives went to hell after Jenny told you he'd been molesting her.  I forgot how you blamed him for everything else you, Jenny, and I had done wrong, for our own shortcomings in dealing with things.  I'd forgotten the hateful way you treated me when I called you crying about what it felt like to shoot someone during the Panama invasion.  For some reason I didn't remember the way you'd bitched at me about drinking instead of trying to listen to me and understand why I was so upset. 

"I'd forgotten how much you'd still hated Dad when I'd gone to see him when he nearly died in open-heart surgery.  That last night when I returned, before you went in a coma and died, nearly fifteen years after the night that Jenny had told you, that was the first time you'd started to let go of that anger, that hatred, and four days later you were dead.

"I'm sorry mom, but I'm not going to wait fifteen years for you to overcome your anger towards me.  Stay out of my life, don't include me in these petty little schemes of yours for revenge, and I'll leave you to your life.  Try something like this again, and you'll live to regret it."

"You can't speak to me like this!" She shouted as I turned on my last word and marched towards the waiting car.  She was still yelling at the top of her lungs as the car drove off, carrying me back to the base.  It was official, I reflected as I headed out of town.  My personal life was a total mess, and the only thing really left to me was my work, keeping the other time travelers on the other side at bay, thwarting their goals.

Boy, were they going to be sorry they'd ever crossed me and made me come back in time yet again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Don't forget to check out my blog for my notes on this chapter, and the Cafe at the Gay Author's forums for discussion on this story!
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8
Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24
Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32
Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39